


Beautiful

by TheCityCesspool



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Confessions, M/M, Nighttime Meetings, OOC? Probably, Shizuo not getting it at first
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2019-11-26
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:14:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21572812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCityCesspool/pseuds/TheCityCesspool
Summary: It was merely a phrase that Shizuo had never heard before.Really, it was so much more than that.
Relationships: Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya
Comments: 9
Kudos: 74





	Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> I know I said I'd focus solely on the other fic but well- I guess some one-shots may appear now and again too.
> 
> Right, so uh...you can probably consider this one a bit of an experiment I guess? I mainly wrote this in trying to further develop some skill and play with style and structure but I'm not super sure whether or not I've actually gotten anywhere with that. For all I know, it's all over the place....still, this was an idea in my head and I had to write it down. Here ya go, and I hope you enjoy it.

Shizuo had started to notice a new trend.

It had to have been at least the tenth time he was seeing Izaya during the night in the past month alone, not to mention all the times before that. Often, Shizuo felt the usual light strain of his breathing rate heightened and energy peak in his pursuing of the flea after darkness fell, rather than seeing him at all during the greater security of daylight. He’d always drop everything to chase Izaya, that was a given and he carried out this habit without fail. He’d always attributed this to an intense rush of rage he’d feel upon spotting the smaller man.

Recently, he’d started thinking that just maybe there was a different reason for the intensity in the extent to which his attention was drawn to Izaya. The rush of blood to his head and the burning in his limbs felt like his all familiar rage and the sensation was addictive in the way that he felt powerless to halt it…though this was nothing new. Yet, this exact feeling was in fact different to that charged rage, he’d come to notice. It clawed at his heart and his mind in a way rage never had. So, all too recently, he’d had to stop and rethink this most habitual conclusion of his thoughts and feelings of Izaya. Thus, it sent him down a path of an impossible foray into his own mind. Such revelations though, were for times when he could think calmly alone, or perhaps in the comforting presence of his closest friends and certainly not when the object of these contemplations was standing right in front of him.

The chill in the air didn’t change the lax nature of Izaya’s stance, hands in pockets approaching Shizuo the same as always. Head slightly tilted with posture attentive and open, the man would stroll up to Shizuo just as close as he dared and did so once again this night, thinking nothing of looking straight into Shizuo’s eyes as was his usual mode of operation. But in the dark, the faint glow of the artificial light sources of the city shown across Izaya’s face which only obscured his expressions; the brightness of his eyes clashing with the fluorescent store fronts and street lights that served only to cast odd shadows along the curves and angles of his mouth and jawline but Shizuo had no trouble tracing his gaze along them. Yet the waxing moon shown down enough to reflect slightly off his hair, giving a luminous shine as it flexed its glow along those strands that moved gently in the air in the crisp wind of the ever-increasingly cold weather.

“Well, if isn’t Shizu-chan out for a night stroll,” amid the silence of dark, the light tone felt out of place. What was more unsuitable to the norm than that was the utter lack of a pejorative mocking in the other’s voice. Shizuo removed his sunglasses, tucking them away in the usual pocket. Though he didn’t usually care to see anything of detail when he was out late, tonight, he needed to see that face. It helped. Izaya’s customary grin was spread across it, cutting into the shadows and paleness accentuated by the moonlight seemed to caress the pink rose color of his lips. Shizuo thought he could see the depths of Izaya’s dark gaze as it flitted along his own features, searching for something in Shizuo from that short distance away. “I suppose it’s fitting for a monster to be hiding away in the dark.”

As it turned out, Shizuo still held that same desire to chase him after all. Yet that deep-seated contempt and anger was noticeably absent from its usual winding around in his chest making it hard to concentrate on a single other thing. It had been fading from his heart and mind just as surely as something else made its way inside in its place. That didn’t mean he could maintain a façade of calm at all easily, however. His hands brushed slightly along his clothing, dipping into a frequently used pocket to pull out his pack of cigarettes and a lighter, fingers nimbly pulling one stick out and efficiently lighting it up before the pack and lighter were stowed back away quickly. The dim light briefly lighting up his own features, Shizuo’s dark eyes could hide little if anything away despite his best efforts of concealing what his face and body could show by demonstrating a familiar action.

Through a puff of smoke, Shizuo ran his eyes along Izaya’s form, looking for just a hint of something that could tell him more of what Izaya was. More of what he felt, what he thought, and even who he was. With his mind clearer than it’d been before, Shizuo could tell; the flea was far more than he’d ever thought he was. It was just his perceptions influenced by a gut feeling after all the time he spent considering his own self, yet his gut had not yet failed him before. Whatever inklings of impressions he now had about this man, Shizuo would follow through in conversation as naturally as he could. As comforting as chases could be in their predictable routine, he’d acknowledge, it wouldn’t help him figure anything out about Izaya.

“Monsters can find comfort in the night as well as any human,” Shizuo responded.

These nights, there had been nothing significantly different in the way Izaya carried himself or behaved when they weren’t running. But it seemed this night would prove to be different. Though slight, Izaya’s shoulders shifted forward in tension, back straightening further as a light exhale made itself known just audible enough for Shizuo to pick up on. Giving up his usual covered intentions to surprise, he looked to be trying to regain a normal mask before it was too late, however futile it might be. Lips pressed together, Izaya turned his head down and away, though a small smirk remained prevalent on his sharp features. But his brows drew closer together in uncertainty and his throat displayed a harsh though inaudible swallow followed by an ever so slightly haggard breath; as though Izaya had concluded within himself, as though he’d arrived at a decision, his expression reflected this and a look of surrender, giving up in putting back on one of his usual masks.

Izaya spoke, his tone suggesting they were words said on a whim, as though it was impromptu that had taken hold of his habitual speaking patterns. Yet, there was little that Izaya ever said without meaning something.

“The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?”

Still, Shizuo couldn’t grasp the point of such a statement. Granted, he thought it to be objectively true and something most people would agree with. They weren’t really at a point in any kind of relationship between them to be conducting small talk, though. That being the case, Shizuo couldn’t hide his look of absolute confusion.

“What are you talking about, flea?”

A sound Shizuo had never heard before, Izaya was laughing in real amusement mixed with a certain amount of pleasure. It was a light, airy sound that floated through the air, washing over Shizuo with surely unintended effects, yet it did carry a certain weight to it, clinging to the atmosphere around it. Izaya closed his eyes for just a moment and crossed his arms as if to erect a barricade of sorts from any outside influence as he fell back a few steps, obviously intending a retreat. His expression displayed nothing in the way of surprise; this time his brows were dragging inward and up on his face complementing the slight downturn of his mouth as he turned his face away.

“Don’t worry about it, Shizu-chan,” he smirked, something more familiar. “Let’s meet again some time.”

Before he turned around fully to leave the scene, Izaya’s face betrayed a genuine smile that Shizuo thought was shockingly illuminating in the darkness of night yet it he could see it held a slight curvature of pain.

Shizuo watched his retreating back until Izaya disappeared from sight. He looked up to the sky.

The moon, huh?

~*~

Less frequently, they’d meet up again as the following nights grew ever colder. Heedless to Shizuo’s growing unease, time continued relentlessly toward an unknown point, its denizens of the planet along for the ride as always. It was still only in the night that Izaya would grace Shizuo with his presence, an unyielding smirk present across his face, yet he wouldn’t speak. Something in his eyes, Shizuo thought, seemed to be searching for something or waiting on a signal before he’d proceed with whatever intentions he was carrying with him. Or perhaps, it was an answer he sought.

It didn’t matter either if Shizuo spoke or not. If Shizuo didn’t initiate a chase, Izaya would just smile wanly and leave instead. Nothing else he did, nothing else he said got through to the man Shizuo once so insistently called his enemy. To keep his place near Izaya, Shizuo pursued him every chance he got. But unlike relentless prior pursuits, the thrumming of his heart beat to a different tune as he ran and chased through the nights, but no matter how he tried, no matter how near to Izaya he could get, there was a definitive insurmountable distance that had been created between them. It was a dense fog blocking light. It was a strong gust of wind filling his lungs inhibiting breath and respiration. No matter how close he got to reaching Izaya, Shizuo could feel how far away he truly was. As the days bled into a week, then two and more, that pain merely perpetuated the difficulty in closing the distance.

~*~

In retrospect, it really was a good thing Shizuo paid attention to his brother’s works. Dramas were a newer thing for Kasuka but Shizuo was enjoying this one nonetheless. It was strange how just one phrase uttered in the show struck him down to his core.

“The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?”

Things had been more painful for Shizuo ever since Izaya had said those words. It was on the other’s end, after all, that the air between them had transformed so drastically. It had been then that Izaya had become so much more out of reach than before. Everyday and night, Shizuo endured the pain.

The episode ended there, on a cliffhanger. Shizuo was frozen in shock for several minutes though not for the abrupt ending of the show, no; he had never expected that the strange statement Izaya made that night to allude to anything outside of the literal meaning as this show had clearly implied just now. Bashing his head against a metaphorical wall, Shizuo concluded he must have been as much a protozoan as Izaya always said; he always thought there were many things Izaya said that made no sense, but this was outstanding enough in its intrinsic peculiarity that Shizuo should have nevertheless noticed.

One phone call to Kasuka later and Shizuo was able to answer many of his own questions.

~*~

It was darker than usual; the new moon was a potent ally to those wishing to conceal something. The area was a rather secluded one as well, for Tokyo, anyway. A shame Shizuo was seeking something. Yet it was a stroke of luck that allowed him to find it anyway. To find him, anyway.

Izaya stood there as usual. Though he seemed to be yielding to a sense of inevitability as spoken by his body language and his matching expression of something that professed a feeling close to helplessness. Which may have been why he didn’t run when Shizuo approached him slowly, closing the physical distance between them more than usual, never faltering in his gaze.

For just a moment, or maybe an eternity, they stared each other down. Shizuo could sense it; he was about to change things and Izaya was unknowingly or not giving him the opportunity. Making his decision, Shizuo closed his eyes for calm before tilting his head up.

He opened his eyes to the moonless night’s sky.

One deep breath later and he was staring straight into the unending depths of those eyes. A smile crossed his features and it relaxed his face into an expression of affection.

“The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?”

In an instance, Izaya’s entire countenance changed. He’d taken in a strained gasp so suddenly it sounded painful. Looking on steadily, those eyes scoured over Shizuo, scanning for any sign of untruths. With his mouth parted open more than Shizuo had ever seen it when it wasn’t creating and wielding words, nothing came out of it now as Izaya stood there shell-shocked as evidenced by the tight tension of his body, the wide of his eyes and the faint trembling of his frame. Yet the disbelief so clearly present in his eyes pained Shizuo to see.

It was a few small steps, but they meant everything when they could close the physical distance between the two of them. Shizuo did so, slowly, as if he were approaching a shaken and hurt creature to offer comfort and safety. In a way, he supposed, he probably was. It was when Shizuo already had his arms wrapped around Izaya’s waist and rested his head on top of Izaya’s own that the smaller man seemed to snap back into himself, expelling a breath as he was pressed into the body of the taller man, sturdy and unyielding. Shizuo felt the warm of it at his neck, the feeling flooding his senses as it cooled along his skin, settling over it slowly like the fading haze of a dream.

It took some time, but the comfort of holding this man close to him became all the more so as said man relaxed into the embrace, the tension disappearing and the warmth of each other was shared as Izaya nuzzled further into Shizuo, hands coming up to grasp at his shoulders, holding himself steady to maintain that secretly longed-for proximity.

“You…” Izaya broke their now long-standing reticence, the strain of emotion in his words evident. Shizuo could almost feel movement of the lips at his neck, proof of such was in the gentle whisper of breath shaped so closely to his bare flesh. Fingers pressed harder into his back, but it was not painful, rather a confirmation of the presence of this precious person right in his hold and willingly acquiescing to the embrace, even wanting it. “You really…?”

The voice faded away in an unvoiced question, but Shizuo needed no further context as he pulled away just enough to be able to look into those eyes again, bringing a hand up, tilting the informant’s chin up to face him.

“Yes.”

The slight biting of his lower lip in conjunction with his eyes closing and brows furrowing in a true attempt of processing an emotion, Izaya was prevented from looking away in any embarrassment or from avoiding such a direct response.

But Shizuo had to know something else too. He’d certainly taken time in his own realizations and time spent thinking and wondering and hoping. But Izaya…

“Izaya. Since when?”

Just seeing those eyes respond first, Shizuo could see the answer before the verbal response came. Izaya withdrew a hand from Shizuo’s back, his shoulder and brushed against the courser texture of clothing quickly moving along to the soft heat of his neck, and then caressing his face with those nimble fingers working through his hair, and Shizuo responded with a slight shiver he didn’t dare desire to hold back. Those shockingly expressive eyes wandered around his face, as if to take in every single thing about him.

A near inaudible inhale.

“Always.”

The breathy response sent a quake throughout his body and shook throughout everything he was, and it was perfect. It was all he needed.

With no witnesses in the dark night, there was no one to see the two of them close that distance that had been created. Like the comfort of a flame in the darkness, the two of them held on tight, they swore to themselves they’d never allow the distance to grow again.

Though it was a moonless night, to them, the moon shone down brightly and without reservations always, as did their feelings for each other.

.

.

.

.

.

“The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?”

_(“I love you.”)_

**Author's Note:**

> This phrase in Japanese is "tsuki ga kirei desu ne." 月が奇麗ですね。
> 
> The background of it is this, in case you are unfamiliar though correct me if I've got anything wrong:
> 
> This is said to come from a very famous author, Natsume Soseki (1867-1916). At a time when he was an English teacher, it's said that when his students were translating "I love you" into Japanese and they went for whatever literal equivalent they could think of, Soseki told them it wasn't suitable. He said such translations were far too direct, and this phrase should be used instead.
> 
> If this seems at all strange, it comes down to the language itself. Without going into a crazy amount of detail, suffice to say, Japanese is not only used, but is also mostly structured and geared for subtlety. It can make beating around the bush and halfway-made implications into art forms. As such, this particular anecdote has been told for around 50 years. That being said, it's also said that there's no proof it's true either, as there's no record of this happening. Though incidentally, considering the time period this was said to have taken place in, that only makes the anecdote more believable. Nevertheless, many people have heard of this phrase and its origins and it has been referenced in pop culture though I wouldn't be so bold as to say that /everyone/ knows it either.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. :)


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